Wie zijn billen brandt, zal op de blaren moeten zitten. Dat geldt zeker voor mannen die vreemdgaan. Ik bedoel, zijn er magische krachten die zo sterk zijn dat een man niet anders kan dan vreemdgaan? Sommige mannen beweren van wel (‘ik begrijp nog steeds niet wat mij is overkomen'), maar dat is natuurlijk onzin.
De man die vreemdgaat maakt zelf die keuze en niemand anders. Niettemin hebben vrouwen de exclusieve kracht om hun eigen partner in de armen van een andere vrouw te drijven. En dat is goed nieuws. Want, de vrouw die haar eigen kracht onderkent, kan diezelfde kracht gebruiken om ontrouw van haar partner te voorkomen.
Bedenk wel dat er geen echte rechtvaardiging bestaat voor het vreemdgaan van de man. Verraad in een relatie is niet goed te praten. En dat zal elke man kunnen beamen die eenmaal zijn ontrouw heeft opgebiecht. Niets wat hij aan uitleg geeft aan zijn bedrogen vrouw, zal worden begroet met de reactie: ‘oké, bedankt voor je verklaring, ben ik opgelucht dat ik het nu begrijp.' Nee, verraad kwetst tot in het diepste van de ziel. En in die constatering ligt al meteen het belangrijkste antwoord besloten op de vraag waarom mannen vreemdgaan. Want, mannen kwetsen (vreemdgaan) omdat zij zichzelf gekwetst voelen.
Vreemdgaan om te kwetsen is geen (doel)bewuste actie, maar eerder een onbewuste uiting van onmacht als de man in zijn relatie het gevoel heeft ontwikkeld dat hij toch niets meer te verliezen heeft, oftewel: ‘waarom nog iets goeds doen, als ik in haar ogen toch niets goeds doe.' Om vreemd te gaan moet de man rijp zijn om te denken: ‘als je gelijk wilt hebben dat ik niet deug, dan zal ik je je gelijk ook geven.' De meiden die mannen vervolgens kiezen om mee vreemd te gaan zijn niet perse jonger, mooier of slimmer. Het is een mythe dat mannen vroeg of laat toe zijn aan een frisser blaadje. Nee, waar de man voor kiest is een meid die hem niet bij voortduring op zijn tekortkomingen wijst en hem waardering geeft voor de kwaliteiten die hij wel heeft.
Zo simpel is dat. En geloof mij, de man is simpel, zeker als het gaat om zijn elementaire behoefte in een relatie. Het enige wat hij nodig heeft om op het rechte pad te blijven is een knipoog, een aai over zijn bol en een aanmoedigingsprijs voor iedere inspanning die hij zich getroost.
Mannen die vasthouden aan hun minnares, ook nadat hun ontrouw is opgebiecht, hebben een partner-in-crime, waarmee zij zich tegenover hun eigen vrouw sterker voelen staan. Natuurlijk, ook deze slapheid van de man is niet te billijken. Maar, het is wel zijn manier om haar eeuwige gelijk te ontzenuwen.
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